Today’s day is the most painful day for me, finally the result was out by yesterday but mine was quite unexpected. My math mark was worst as I expected but even the physics and chemistry too was worst, How come? The pressure in me is growing now. The neighbours and my friends are not happy with my marks and it is so embarrassing for me. I really would like to say them sorry but even can’t do that also. They had a very high expectation from me and I shattered their dreams too. My mom is really worried about my future and me getting of college. Yesterday I was fine but as I think more the more I get tension and worried. The calls from the relatives, friends, sisters and the questions from the neighbours.
Today morning one of neighbours P-ter just told me that he too got hope lose with my marks which made me think again and again as he was write but there is no ways for me to give him a rational explanation on that. I felt like to do the exam again. But the past is past and no one can change that fact. It’s all my fault to stay relax at the beginning and rush at the last moment, the method which is never successful. Almost all of friends’ results were just like mine but we are different. But there is no way for me to stay behind and give up here. I have to do something somehow. The ways to ex-countries are already closed for me and very few of in-country’s colleges are left for me in which I may not get too.
Don’t even feel like doing online but I have to do because there is no other way for me. I wish if this type of feeling would have had come in the beginning but there is no wise in regretting so I’m not going to. If I happened to get qualified for any of the colleges in the country then it would be because for my faith and not because of my marks. And if didn’t get in anywhere then my last option would be to do supply but it’s so sad. God help me please! This is the time when we miss our god so much. (These feelings are really new for me and I really don’t want to experience it again and will not I shapat)
D.K Thulung Rai